Dusty Dad vs. Dope Dad Video Goes Viral—and Right here’s Why

Instagram creator Eric Taylor is a “dope dad.” That’s to not be confused with what he calls a “dusty dad,” which is the polar reverse.

For those who’ve by no means heard of the “dusty” reference, it’s a time period that has been floating round social media for some time now. Whether or not it’s discussing “dusty sons,” and now “dusty dads,” it’s clear it’s not thought of factor. 

In a current viral Instagram reel, Taylor was sort sufficient to behave out the variations between a dope and dusty dad, particularly relating to what occurs when every kind will get residence from work.

The distinction is stark and hilarious. 

Dusty dad walks in and instantly calls for dinner, shouting “What do you imply it’s not prepared?!” Dope dad heads for the kitchen, able to “whip it up” himself. 

Dusty dad drops his footwear and jacket proper onto the clear ground. Dope dad places every part away neatly, nearly as if he additionally has a shared curiosity in the home staying tidy. 

Dusty dad blows off the children so he can get a bit alone time (fiddling together with his cellphone on the bathroom). Dope dad wraps them in a giant hug and lets them know the way blissful he’s to be residence.

Taylor captioned the video, which has over 2.5 million views: “Household and residential are workforce sports activities! All people contributes, all people works, all people loves.”

In different phrases? It’s 2024, and we’re not right here for dads dragging their toes at residence and with the children anymore, regardless of how busy and drained they’re. Taylor’s serving to to boost the bar and encourage a greater technology of males—to not point out give us a number of laughs alongside the way in which.

Inequity at Dwelling Nonetheless Exists

Whereas the response to the video was largely optimistic, many commenters took subject with the premise of the skit. “For those who’re doing all this and your spouse doesn’t work, what does she do all day?” one commenter wrote, reminding everybody that taking good care of the home and youngsters all day lengthy nonetheless isn’t seen as actual work by lots of people.

So, clearly, inequity in households stays an issue, even in 2024.

Marriage and household therapist Rachel Goldberg, MS, MFT, founding father of Rachel Goldberg Remedy Studio, says many {couples} make an effort to attain higher stability—actually, they do—however adjustments don’t at all times stick as a result of the concept ladies ought to maintain the housekeeping is so deeply ingrained in each events. 

A Gallup ballot confirms ladies in heterosexual relationships are nonetheless taking up majority of family obligations, comparable to laundry, cleansing the home, and making ready meals.

“Ladies typically find yourself taking good care of duties they know their husbands will procrastinate on or not execute effectively,” says Goldberg. “This results in a cycle the place, regardless of good intentions from each events, they fall again into outdated patterns.”

Plus, many dads have extremely demanding jobs outdoors of the house, which implies they don’t have plenty of time and vitality left after they stroll again by way of the door. However, plenty of mothers have demanding jobs, too, and it’s by no means been an excuse for them. So, how can all of us come collectively and determine this out? How can we break the cycle?

How Working Dads Can Do Higher (Or Be Extra Dope)

Communication is vital, says Goldberg. Dad, or whichever guardian is working outdoors of the home, ought to be sincere and practical about how a lot time they’ll contribute to sure duties earlier than and after work. That may assist dad and mom work collectively to prioritize what duties is likely to be most useful.

It’s additionally essential for each events to be versatile. Work calls for and schedules can change, and so can the wants of the children and the family. Mother and father must maintain speaking to one another recurrently about how issues are getting accomplished and the place slack must be picked up.

However as Taylor’s video reveals, crucial tip for the subsequent technology of dads who wish to do higher at house is to vary their mindset. (Bear in mind: dope, not dusty!) In a single remark, Taylor wrote about home duties, “It’s not all dad’s job, it’s additionally not all mother’s job. It’s a workforce effort.”

The video jogged my memory of how my spouse and I consistently speak about not retaining rating. She doesn’t “owe me” for doing the dishes and I don’t owe her for going to choose up the children. Once we cease attempting to go tit-for-tat and simply concentrate on getting issues accomplished as a workforce and choosing one another up, we’re a lot happier.

The very fact is that being a stay-at-home guardian is tough. Being a working guardian is tough. Being someplace within the center is tough. The outdated dividing strains—the place one guardian makes the cash and the opposite takes care of the house and youngsters—simply don’t work anymore.

And it’s OK to not be good, so long as we’re attempting to enhance and assist our companion and youngsters one of the best we are able to. At the least, that’s the boring method of claiming it. Taylor put it higher when he replied to a commenter who admitted seeing himself in each sorts of dad.

“We aren’t at all times dusty or at all times dope,” Taylor says. “Lengthy as we’re leaning in direction of the dope recreation.”