Blended Household Engagement Video Goes Viral on TikTok

When Cassandra Rodriguez, a single mom in Texas, shared the information of her engagement to her fiancé Patrick, her three youngsters reacted with real elation—exactly the sort of response each single guardian with their sights set on marriage hopes for.

As captured in Rodriguez’s viral TikTok video posted by way of @cassyrdzz, which has garnered 1.9 million views and over 6,000 feedback, her two sons and daughter are all smiles after they be taught that Patrick proposed. Rodriguez’s daughter jumps up and down with pleasure earlier than working into Patrick’s arms, adopted shortly by her youthful son.

Seconds later, Rodriguez’s teenage son breaks into a large grin, congratulates his mother, after which hugs her and Patrick. Within the background, Rodriguez’s daughter exclaims, “We are able to name him Dad now!”

A number of commenters mentioned they cried tears of pleasure observing the plentiful love in Rodriguez’s soon-to-be blended household. One writing, “This makes me so blissful, as a single mother that is what we want for. Somebody to simply accept our infants as their very own.”

One other commenter recalled their father asking for his or her blessing to marry their future stepmom, “we had been simply as excited as these youngsters… he proposed an hour later, she’s the very best bonus mother ever.”

Whereas that is an instance of a blissful blended household celebrating their future collectively, sharing the information might not all the time go this easily. Whatever the relationship your new fiancé has together with your youngsters, it is best to method the state of affairs with simply as a lot thought and care as the wedding proposal requires.

Listed here are eight suggestions for find out how to finest share the large information of an engagement together with your youngsters.

Put Your Youngsters on the High of the Share Listing

This might sound apparent, however don’t name your bestie or inform your work partner about your engagement earlier than telling your youngsters.

“If a guardian is getting remarried, they need to share it with their youngsters earlier than they do with others,” advises Abbey Sangmeister, a licensed therapist and founding father of Evolving Complete.

Sharing the information together with your youngsters first emphasizes respect for the impactful function that your fiancé will play of their lives transferring ahead. 

Contemplate When and How You Share the Information

Getting engaged is a serious shift in any relationship not to mention in a blended household with pre-existing youngsters. Mickie Simon, a licensed medical social employee in Washington, D.C. says laying some floor beforehand will assist to set expectations that development could possibly be on the horizon.

“Sharing the information of the engagement begins with constructing a connection between the longer term stepparent and the youngsters as soon as it’s clear that the romantic relationship has a future,” she explains.

It’s unattainable to foretell precisely how youngsters will react to the information of an engagement, however one issue you possibly can management is the time during which you share the information.

“Don’t inform them earlier than or after one other large occasion,” suggests Oona Metz, a Massachusetts-based psychotherapist who makes a speciality of working with ladies in transition. Doing this might trigger confusion and even distract from what you hoped can be a pleasing shock.

Mother and father additionally must resolve whether or not it is smart to share the information with their youngsters solo or with their fiancé. Metz, Sangmeister, and Simon agree that rather a lot depends upon the present relationship dynamics.

“In case your youngsters don’t have a constructive relationship together with your fiancé, it’s higher to inform them your self in order that they’ll be at liberty to specific a variety of feelings,” advises Metz. “In case your youngsters do have a constructive relationship together with your fiancé, nonetheless, you possibly can inform them collectively.”

Welcome Questions From Your Youngsters

Gaining a bonus guardian is a life-altering occasion for youngsters no matter age. Accordingly, “it will be significant that the guardian is obvious, open, and sincere concerning the engagement together with what which means for the way forward for the entire household,” says Sangmeister.

Mother and father ought to be clear with their youngsters about when and the place they’ll dwell collectively (if they don’t seem to be already), wedding ceremony plans, vacation plans, and the rest their youngsters would possibly ask about.

Understand that youngsters will want time and area to expertise their very own feelings and to work by means of questions on how the engagement won’t solely impression their guardian’s life, however everybody’s lives.

“Because the guardian, you already processed this new chapter, however to the kid it’s new and should carry up many emotions and questions,” observes Sangmeister.

Anticipate a Number of Reactions

There’s myriad of how a baby might react to the information of an engagement, and fogeys ought to put together themselves for any variety of them.

Along with components such because the baby’s age and their relationships with the engaged mother and father, Simon notes that previous experiences can drastically affect their response.

“If there’s a household historical past of abandonment or considerations about belief and security, that would trigger youngsters to react negatively to the information of an engagement,” she says.

She highlights one other related issue of whether or not there’s a household tradition of shortage or inclusion.

“If the household has an present shortage mindset or there’s a historical past of parental alienation by the opposite guardian, youngsters might have a really insular view of household and [won’t] be inspired to let different individuals into their lives.”

The inverse is an expansive view of household, which may encourage a extra constructive response to an engagement. “Open-hearted and inclusive households the place former spouses co-parent properly and share in one another’s pleasure give youngsters permission to have a relationship with a guardian’s new associate,” says Simon. “That is the best-case situation; the very last thing you need is youngsters feeling like they’ve to decide on one guardian over the opposite.”

Metz provides that information of an engagement might carry again a baby’s emotions from a previous divorce. “A baby might have been harboring hopes that their mother and father would get again collectively and the [new] engagement alerts that this received’t occur,” she says.

This could result in emotions of disappointment and anger a couple of new associate turning into everlasting.

Moreover, when a baby has been dwelling in a single-parent state of affairs for an prolonged time frame, they could be apprehensive about integrating a brand new member of the family.

“It is crucial for a guardian to reassure their youngsters that they’ll nonetheless spend time collectively one-on-one,” advises Simon. “Youngsters must know that the brand new relationship won’t basically change the way in which during which that guardian loves them.”

The underside line?

“Strive to not take it personally in case your youngsters will not be as excited as you hoped,” says Metz.

Select Empathy Over Defensiveness

In case you’re newly-engaged, you’re doubtless on cloud 9. Nevertheless, that does not imply your youngsters will probably be. And even when this comes as a shock to you, it’s important that you just validate their emotions.

Metz urges mother and father to keep away from shaming or punishing youngsters for any emotions that are not instantly constructive.

“Open communication and non-defensiveness are key to supporting your baby by means of any tough state of affairs, and your engagement isn’t any totally different,” she says.

As a substitute, empathy is an effective way to assist the kid really feel seen and heard within the state of affairs. Simon notes, “Mother and father can acknowledge that they perceive how tough it’s when [they] decide that’s totally different from what a baby would select themselves.”

Understand that within the case of sharing the information with a couple of baby, chances are you’ll get totally different reactions from every of them. One baby might share in your pleasure whereas one other feels offended or unhappy. Metz says that is regular and okay.

“Give your youngsters area and comply with up with every baby one-on-one to permit them to course of the information and really feel heard. The most effective factor you are able to do is to hear, hear, hear.”

Give Your Youngsters a Voice–Not the Last Say

As soon as your baby has had a while to course of the information, “ask them what they should really feel extra comfy concerning the engagement,” says Sangmeister.

She provides that folks may also help youngsters to navigate their feelings by asking specifics similar to what function they want the fiancé to play of their life, what they really feel their boundaries are, and what considerations they’ve, if any.

Simon notes that whereas it is essential for fogeys to welcome their youngsters’s enter, they should not be given the ultimate say.

“On the finish of the day, nonetheless, mother and father must make their very own determination—even when their youngsters don’t agree,” she says.

Supply Your Youngsters a Position within the Marriage ceremony

Whether or not or not your youngsters’s preliminary response to your engagement is constructive, encourage them to affix in on the wedding course of. It should, in any case, be a brand new addition to their household as properly.

Maybe they’ll stroll mother right down to the aisle, carry out a studying, carry the rings, make a speech, play music, or dance with you. No matter they really feel comfy with, “taking part within the wedding ceremony will assist your youngsters really feel part of your new union,” says Metz.

Contemplate Household Remedy

Mixing a household is a big life occasion that hardly ever happens with out complication, significantly when there are a number of adults and youngsters concerned. Whereas encouraging open dialogue throughout the household is among the finest methods to assist your youngsters, it could actually understandably be tough to take action with out assist.

Sangmeister suggests household remedy is a viable possibility that will help you chart a course that you just or your youngsters could also be feeling a bit overwhelmed by.

“Remarriage is a transition for everybody and having knowledgeable assist and assist your loved ones by means of the transition is invaluable,” she says.