Grandma’s No-Present Rule for Her Grandkids Stirs Debate

When Tammie Kelton, a grandmother from Ohio, posted a video on TikTok about why she doesn’t purchase her grandchildren items, the responses had been huge and diversified. 

Many praised this grandma’s choice to deal with her 4 grandchildren’s futures by placing cash in funding accounts for every. 

“I simply keep in mind when my kids had been youthful, all of the Legos, all of the little Barbie footwear, and simply all of the issues that simply obtained thrown away,” Kelton explains within the video. “I’d simply moderately give them one thing that will probably be a present that may final a lifetime or have a lifelong impact on them.”

However others didn’t agree, with some saying this grandmother gained’t be the children’ favourite relative and one other implying she “hates” her grandkids.

It’s clear: the subject of whether or not children ought to get items is hotly debated. It’s additionally one which I struggled with in my own residence, too. What I discovered is that reward giving for teenagers could be complicated however there are methods to navigate it.

Getting Overwhelmed by Too Many Toys

It was proper earlier than my daughter’s fifth birthday after I glanced with exasperation round my children’ toy space in a nook of our residing house. Mounds of plastic toys, large and small, lay piled on prime of one another, most with one factor in frequent: My children, 9 and 5, hadn’t touched a lot of them in months. 

Sure, we put aside weekend afternoons to play with the toys. We even rotated the toy chest so they may re-discover long-lost ones. My children have at all times been actually nice at discovering imaginative methods to play. And nonetheless, we’ve so many toys. 

I assumed again to Christmas mornings and through Hanukkah and birthdays, when items poured into our dwelling. My children would excitedly open every one, trying to find the one which promised the delight, marvel, and enjoyable they craved. The unlucky toys that didn’t hit the mark joined that forsaken pile. 

Whereas many caregivers on this nation and worldwide wrestle to afford the naked requirements in life, I do know that this challenge of kids receiving too many toys is rife with privilege. As an immigrant who grew up with little or no cash or toys, it strikes me as unsettling that my children have entry to a lot in a world the place others are in want. 

However this in the end lay on my shoulders. Had I gone too far in giving them what I didn’t have rising up? Did they’ve an excessive amount of stuff? The pile of toys was sending clear messages to the affirmative.  

I Nixed Presents for My Youngsters

I decided. 

After a lot of enhancing, I despatched a well mannered textual content to my household asking them to not purchase any toys for my daughter for her birthday. I urged garments as a substitute. My sister-in-law, mom to 2 teenagers, texted, “Genius parenting transfer.” My aunt, who I’m near, merely stated, “OK.” 

I purchased one reward for my daughter so she would have one thing to open on the morning of her birthday and that was it. Her birthday arrived and we excitedly gave her the only real current: a mini Poppy Playhouse (Trolls followers get it). She was over the moon with pleasure and performed with this for hours. 

However the outcomes of my request because it pertained to my household had been shocking—even to me.

My mother-in-law had already bought my daughter a present earlier than getting my little textual content. We visited her proper earlier than my daughter’s birthday and she or he introduced her with it: mini variations of her favourite baking instruments. What proceeded to occur was a complete morning spent baking cookies with the brand new instruments. 

My daughter skilled this particular bonding enjoyable together with her grandmother and I’ve been re-purposing the cookie cutters to make enjoyable shapes for lunchtime sandwiches. 

In the meantime, my son’s grandmother took him to a play about Percy Jackson from The Heroes of Olympus e book collection, which transported him from studying graphic novels to studying chapter books, actually in a single day. When items can result in particular time with family members, it’s a win-win for all.  

Different family members nonetheless wished to provide my daughter a present too. They obtained inventive. Some gave money. Some gave handmade playing cards. Ultimately, many individuals need to give kids one thing and I wanted to discover a stability with out taking that away.

I made a decision to not inform all my household to chorus from shopping for my children something once more. As a substitute, I’ve discovered reward giving doesn’t have to only imply toys and opted to encourage family members to be aware of what they’re shopping for my children. That’s why I get the place Grandma Kelton is coming from. 

How To Navigate Presents With Youngsters

As a mother or father, I fear about elevating children who don’t admire items and switch into entitled individuals. I additionally fear about simply what number of toys my children get and including unreasonable quantities of plastic to this world. 

So, what’s the answer?

Educate your children gratitude 

If you happen to nonetheless need your children to obtain items–which is completely OK for the document–you must spend a while instructing them appreciation. 

“As mother and father, we are able to foster an angle of aware receptivity in our kids in a number of methods,” says Sarah Harris, a Utah-based licensed marriage and household therapist and a registered play therapist supervisor. “One such method is by pacing what number of items they open at one time. This permits them to higher obtain a present whole-heartedly and with their full consideration.”

Mother and father also can encourage children to write down down who the reward giver is to be able to present them a gesture of gratitude in a while. “This gesture generally is a household exercise of making artwork or a thanks notice for the giver,” says Harris. “I encourage my children to pause and take into consideration the individual earlier than beginning the artwork or note-writing course of.”

Supply options to these shopping for items

Discovering alternatives to repurpose and thrift is a good suggestion, says Jessica Roff, Plastics and Petrochemicals Program Supervisor for the World Alliance for Incinerator Options (GAIA), a corporation aiming to finish waste air pollution. 

Roff additionally recommends shopping for merchandise from firms that prioritize individuals over revenue, that give a refund to communities, or create grant alternatives. 

“A part of it’s being cautious the place you select to spend your cash,” she says, including, “I’ll discover a reward on Amazon after which seek for a small enterprise that sells it.” 

Plus, a lot of the toys in the marketplace are manufactured from plastic. We will partake in gifting with out damaging the earth. “The truth is that plastic is poisonous and pervasive,” says Roff. “The programs which are creating this plastic disaster and our dependence on it are larger than us. One motion gained’t change that however a number of actions inside one’s group can.” 

As a substitute of asking my household to cease shopping for my children toys, I plan to encourage them to provide a present from the center, whereas suggesting a number of extra eco-friendly choices like secondhand or picket toys and even used clothes, when doable. 

I plan to counsel giving a donation to a kid-centered group in my children’ names. I additionally need them to think about toys that may result in particular time with my children, a pathway to constructing recollections collectively. 

Be open to vary

Now again to the grandma in that TikTok video.

From my perspective, her selections appear grounded in a deep dedication to her grandchildren’s future and I gained’t fault her for that. 

If considered one of my kids’s grandparents took this stance, I’ll be trustworthy with you: I’d be delighted to have fewer toys. I really don’t suppose my children would even discover the shortage of a present from that specific individual, particularly if the grandparent was current in lots of different areas of their lives.

The underside line is, discover what works for you and your loved ones with regards to reward giving and be open to fashionable choices. As with all else, moderation and open communication are key to a extra aware strategy to parenting.