Why Cannot a Boy Have a Taylor Swift Birthday Celebration?

Likelihood is, you’ve been invited to a Taylor Swift celebration (or two or three or 12) this 12 months as a result of if there’s one factor the famous person has, it’s multigenerational attraction. I’m a millennial mother and a longtime Swiftie—and one way or the other, my 5-year-old twins and all their pals appear to like the singer simply as a lot as I do. 

As a consequence of Swift’s large recognition, individuals are not often shocked after they hear my daughter is a giant fan. However after I point out that my son loves Swift too—and he routinely jams out to “Prepared For It?” Nicely, that’s when individuals begin to have totally different reactions.

So, I wasn’t terribly shocked after I noticed a TikTok from Jolene Dolo (@jolenedolo), which is all about one other father or mother’s response to Dolo throwing her son a Taylor Swift-themed celebration at his request.

“My son is having a Taylor Swift celebration and yesterday I acquired a textual content message from a father or mother of a kid who was invited letting us know that their little one is not going to be attending as a result of it’s ‘in opposition to their beliefs,’” Dolo says within the TikTok.

“I used to be a bit of shocked as a result of [we] reside in a reasonably progressive space, so most individuals don’t say issues to my face after they have an issue,” Dolo tells Mother and father. “I get a whole lot of hate on-line, however not lots in our actual life. I additionally by no means knew RSVPs to be greater than only a ‘sure’ or ‘no.’ I imagine ‘no’ is an entire sentence, particularly after I don’t know you want that.”

Dolo questioned if she ought to ask the father or mother to elaborate however, in the end, determined in opposition to it. 

The textual content message Dolo acquired leaves room for ambiguity, for certain, however it’s additionally not terribly tough to extrapolate that this father or mother could have had a difficulty with—gasp—a boy selecting a Swift theme to rejoice his huge day.

“I by no means clarified [the parent’s reasons for claiming this is against their belief system],” Dolo says. “[Some people suggested] the household [may be] Jehovah’s Witnesses and didn’t rejoice birthdays, and that’s a sound thought…however I do know the household celebrates birthdays as a result of I’ve had a passing convo about birthday venues with the mother as soon as.”

Dolo included further context (and, I’d add, some fairly implausible celebration inspo) in a subsequent TikTok in regards to the social gathering. In that clip, she acknowledged there could also be different causes at play, like non secular or political opinions, and even only a sturdy aversion to Swift.

However whereas assumptions in regards to the which means behind the opposite father or mother’s textual content are simply that, assumptions, this entire situation opens up a dialog that should be had. There’s little doubt that boys who’re huge followers of Swift, or Ariana Grande, or Beyonce, or Disney Princesses, or Surprise Girl are undoubtedly regarded in a sure means—and Dolo’s tackle why this occurs is so spot on, it stopped me in my tracks.

“Our son has at all times favored the gorgeous issues in life, so we’re very used to oldsters and other people gendering issues like garments and hobbies and toys,” she says in her TikTok. “I do know that Taylor Swift could be very ‘girly pop’. I simply was questioning if it really works each methods: are little ladies not allowed to hearken to male artists?”

She goes on to elucidate, “As a result of I’ve additionally discovered it form of bizarre that we don’t need boys liking ladies like that, or trying as much as ladies…as a result of ladies are allowed to look as much as ladies, and ladies are allowed to look as much as boys. However boys aren’t allowed to look as much as ladies. It’s virtually such as you assume it could be a downgrade for them to look as much as ladies.”

Dolo is true: The time period “tomboy” doesn’t carry a pejorative connotation, however once we speak about boys who’re into issues we’ve been socially conditioned to seek out “girly” or “female”? Nicely, the labels they obtain are so offensive that I gained’t even checklist them right here. It’s time to unpack that double commonplace—which, at face worth, appears to be one of many solely gendered concepts that truly favors ladies…that’s till you cease to actually think about its deeper implications.

“I imagine it comes from misogyny,” Dolo tells Mother and father. “Society tends to view ladies and the issues we do as lower than what males do and like. That’s why most individuals gained’t bat a watch at a lady having a Harry Kinds birthday, or having fun with sports activities. It’s seen as an improve for ladies to be ‘not like different ladies’ as a result of society doesn’t like ladies. We like boys to look at ladies however we don’t like them to look up to them.”

She is perhaps on to one thing there—and that should change.